Too Much Booty for One Man to Handle

Nicki Minaj has a ‘big fat ass.’ Nicki Minaj has a strenuous exercise regimen. Nicki Minaj has an Oprah-worthy aphorism for body positivity: F—k the skinny bitches! After three days of re-watching Taylor Swift hiking up her Urban Outfitters cheekies and trying her very hardest to "do the twerk," the Internet was more than ready for Nicki Minaj to release the new music video for her much-hyped, Sir-Mix-A-Lot sampling "Anaconda." Surprising absolutely no one, Nicki did the damn thing. This video has it all—overflowing beverages, twerking booties, Mattel’s entire Barbie prosti-tot 2014 collection, and Drake with a boner.

Minaj, an avid student of the "show, don't tell" approach to narrative, has made ample use of visual

imagery in order to convey the central themes of "Anaconda." Namely, she has a "big, fat ass." But Nicki doesn't just tell us she has a big, fat, ass—that would lack craft and subtlety. Rather, she shows us: that spandex clad ass twerking in the jungle, surrounded by a feral pack of similarly well fed asses? That's Nicki Minaj's big, fat, ass! The line “he can tell I ain’t missing no meals”? That’s a clever, lyrically inventive allusion to Nicki’s big, fat ass (thanks for that analysis, Rap Genius!). That coconut overflowing with sweet, foamy white juice? Well that's just a coconut, pervert. Don't make this weird.

But Nicki isn't just in the jungle to rap about a drug dealer named Troy from Detroit—she's there to take the least effective, most sexual barre class ever. While spreading your legs perpendicularly on a bamboo ledge might not technically be considered a work out, it's a great way to relax and unwind with friends. Just pop a few bananas on a turntable and you've got yourself a casual kick back! Of course, for Minaj a ladies night consists of lining up her girlfriends/jungle ladies-in-waiting back to back and silently stroking their spines while trying to keep her heavy fake eyelashes from gluing together and trapping her eyeballs in one huge fur ball. Stars, they're just like us!

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